A Journey in the Love of God

It is a natural phenomenon in our journey towards our goals to encounter myriad of life’s vicissitudes. It is like riding in a roller coaster. It is a challenging encounter. It is an adventure that needs to overcome and surpass. We find it so unusual because we are just expecting of good things to come. We have a feeling of doubt whatsoever we are facing in every moment. We are so engrossed of what to think, decide and act determined by some outside influences that may direct or indirect motivate us to do and behave to such. These are some manifestations that struck our ego in leading our way to our own desires. It seems to be that we are afraid, that we are full of anxieties, that we are lack of faith. It may somehow hinder us to make a decision, a choice or stand because of our fears of whatever may happen – consequences. These fears and worries will lead us to arid horizon of our comfort zone. We are just like a patient in an isolation who can do nothing but wait. Consequently, this kind of outlook may obstruct us to feel and realize the true essence of love. It is because we are so focused to or own self. We tend to be selfish. We are only mending our own feelings and concerns. We intend to find and search only for our own happiness and satisfaction. We try to forget others. We become self-centered. We disregard others. We despise God.

Basically, every individual may experience this kind of predicament and I myself can testify for that. For almost three months in my work outside the formation, many things had changed. From day to day encounter, many lessons had learned. But I came to realize that I became so exhausted coping with the lifestyle, community life and even in the workplace. I felt that I became a robot because of the expectation of the people that surround me. It is very difficult to live in expectation. I followed the very ideal thing they think I should be, but complains and clamors were really inside of me trying to burst for so long I tempted to hide. Is it blind acceptance of what is at hand? I thought I was. Thinking and convincing myself that it was part of my formation to be a better person I need to be and to become was my primary concern that time. I felt that I have no choice. I must to ensue them, “I have no free will anymore”. I had a feeling of isolation – a feeling that someone was holding my neck so tight. It somehow forced me to violate rules, to do whatever I want, but I tried to calm and be temperate. For a week, I felt so in despair, alone in my room I rented and no one to talk to and feeling of burden upon my shoulder supersedes in my entire being. I did not know what to do.

Prayer was my only weapon at that time. Those days were full of personal reflection, of individual of inner questions, of tears and confessions, of isolation and of unending conversation with Him. I cannot sleep. There were so many things that bothered in my mind. Only prayer healed all those tribulations. That was a tremendous experience that I have encountered as of the moment in the world of work.

With these experiences, I became insolent and absurd in thinking of myself. Thinking about my fears, worries, concerns, desires, emotions, all other inner garbage and myself alone was my foolish mistake. It made me compressed ready to dump in a garbage pit. It made me depressed. With these circumstances, I must leave out myself from my cocoon and open my heart to love and be loved. I must live a life which is pleasing to Him. In faith and trust in Him, I must accept this reality.

I do accept the fact I am still young. In my juvenile mind, I am still immature, a neophyte in this kind of battle. With my armor which is my desire and personal conviction and my shield which is my faith, I will conquer any hindrances that I will encounter. Adjustment is what I need (again?). It will not take place just in a snap of my finger rather it needs enough time. Now, I realize that there are lots of struggles and crises to overcome in my journey in this road less travel. I learn to open myself fully to God. I learn to despise myself to feel the real love – God. To experience the true happiness and genuine peace of mind, I leave all that I am to God and He will do the rest according to His will. That is the greatest learning I have.

“Love of self to the contempt of God and love of God to the contempt of self.”  It implies how we are going to show love, value love and share love. It is simply tells us that loving our own self will lead to despise God but if we really love God we must disregard our own life. How meaningful this dictum is! To love is to empty oneself for God and for others. Without emptying oneself, one cannot truly love. It is frivolous and difficult to think that we must leave everything, our preoccupations with vested interests and desires before we can directly tell that we can love. Total submission to God and freed ourselves so that love can have a place in our hearts. We are not like Stoics and Epicurian philosophers who place man’s highest good in the spirit and material pleasure respectively. But we are man who lives according to ourselves. The root of all is love.

We are called to be witnesses of God’s love to the world. We are in different vocation or calling but love is the primary source and living evidence of its existence. It is our own prerogative on how to live in God’s love. If one has a genuine and deep love of God, one will be compelled by this force to love one’s brothers and sisters in Christ in a very concrete way. There will be no reason for jealousy but a real interest in helping one another as God wants us to be. So, do not worry in our ups and downs. Let us be optimistic in looking forward in living in the love of God. Yes, we encountered negative experiences – minuses but it can transform to positive and pluses if I will think and follow the right mental process. To love God alone and with Him is a journey towards our eternal happiness.